there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
