youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
