Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
