The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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