omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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