why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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