This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
