Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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