new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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