I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
