That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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