omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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