I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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