Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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