apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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