Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
