i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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