I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
