shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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