Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
