I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
