i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
