hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
