I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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