Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
