yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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