a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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