I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
