I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
