The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
