a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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