I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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