i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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