hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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