Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I am morally bankrupt
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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