If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Houston, we have a squirter
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
