I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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