I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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