You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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It was like getting head from an anaconda
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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