How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
