We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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