3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
