her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
where am i from again
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
