I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
