I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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