I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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