Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
