Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
