Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This is my gift to your gina
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
