Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
