He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
