Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
