You can't motorboat a personality
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
