Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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