life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize