3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My friends, they love my intelligence
Yo dont text me then not text me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
