dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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