i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
