i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
