I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
they're like a gay fantastic four
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
