Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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