you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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