I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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