The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
