think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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