The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
