Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
