I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
