Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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