I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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