I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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