my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
