we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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