I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize