one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
