dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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