i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
